Thursday, February 01, 2007

Still in limbo

Doppelganger RIP


No more cats have been gathered up since the first group. We took a day off today.

I went out to feed the critters this morning and only four showed up and they definately knew something wasn't the same.

For me, this has had some weird psychological effects.
All day, for as long as I can remember, I'm around cats. I have four indoors at home, the cats outdoors, and two at work.
I have this huge feeling of doom now around all the cats and I have to remind myself that not all of them are going away.
Once I clear my mind and know that Nippy, Lena, Nguyendell, Goslyn, Astrid and Penelope will still be around indefinately, I feel momentarily better.

I've also become really hyper-aware of spreading germs. I wonder how much I've brought into the house or work over the last few months without knowing it.
Apparently this virus can live for 6 weeks on a surface.

The hardest task ahead will be putting down Biscuit. He's a stray I picked up in Fort Sanders in 1993. He has a chronic mouth infection and requires medicine. He's also been a member of the colony since we moved here. Although he's never been an indoor pet, he's been with me so long now that I feel his demise requires more ceremony.

I just had his teeth cleaned a few days ago, so that his medicine would work better. I've spent the last few years doing all I can to keep him alive and comfortable. And now I'm looking at killing him. Bleh, bleh, bleh.

I mean, seriously, he's now able to eat a whole can of food for dinner without yowling, and I keep giving him medicine, and still he'll probably be gone in a few days. It's so disorienting and awful.

The bright spot is sleeping and dreaming. I get to escape from this for 7 hours or so and only gradually remember it all as I wake up.

I keep having to realize it all over again each morning.

1 comment:

Văn Sát said...

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