Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Project Basic Denim

I need a new pair of jeans. My pseudo-beergut and burgeoning ass are threatening to evict me from every pair of pants I own.

I went to the mall Monday willing to spend some money to find a nice basic pair of jeans that fit well and after trying on 15 pairs, I ended up with nothing.
I must be shopping in the wrong places because everything I saw was either flared, low-rider, distressed, cigarette-legged, ultra-low-rider or bedazzled.

Most pairs I tried on kind of fit until I'd bend over, and despite wearing a belt, I found myself showing a whole other version of cleavage.

So yesterday I stopped by a thrift shop and picked out four pairs that looked like they might work. I got them home and only one pair is really fitting. I think two others should be good once I lose ten pounds.

Why is this so hard? I'm not freakishly built. I have a short waist, but that used to just mean I should stay away from Liz Claiborne and Jordache, who both seem to think that a woman should fasten her pants directly under her breasts.

I just don't get why designers seem to think that women's legs look best as denim sausage casings. If I go a size up, I just get this champagne glass thing where the waist of the pants is flared out around me, but my legs are still bound tightly. Oh also, a size up shouldn't assume that I'm also four inches taller.

Where does one go for a good selection of basic relaxed fit Levi's these days?

I'm starting to think I should approach this from the other direction and just lose some weight. I have a completely serviceable wardrobe just waiting for me to drink less beer and eat healthier. Ten pounds should do it. Maybe that's the real message here.

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