Sunday, April 30, 2006

Adoption

Funny that I begin my first post with this subject because although I am adopted, it isn't something I think about very often. But there are some aspects of my personality that I feel might be attributable to having been adopted in the sixties. In those days and before, the mother was given three months to change her mind and during that waiting period, the baby would be placed with a foster family. The laws have changed since and as I understand it, now the baby goes home with their new family after only three days (my adoptive sister was subjected to this process).
So my question is about impermanence. I tend to filter most experiences in my life through a perspective of impermanence. I was taken from my birthmother immediately, probably kept in a nursery until the foster family took over, and then placed with my adoptive family after three months. Then only two months later, my new family moved us to a neighboring city. So my first sixth months of life, the period that experts argue are the most important for establishing bonds and a general sense of security, were fraught with flux.
For years I was plagued by dreams in which I would travel to a home or a city in which I felt happy and at peace, only to be forced to leave after six months. Something subconscious in me seems to be hardwired to view intimacy and happiness in six month intervals. I've broken off several relationships and friendships almost on the nose without realizing the significance of the time frame.
I don't have the six month dreams anymore, and I'm now happily married to someone with whom I've been with for two years. But I still tend to shy away from getting close to people for the most part, and find myself sabotaging good potential friendships. While I love my parents dearly, I rarely call or visit them. I think this is because I know they'll be gone soon, and I don't want it to hurt as much as I know it could. Twisted logic to be sure.
My question is for other adoptees who were adopted when the three month rule was in place. Do you find yourself having problems forming close bonds with other people? Do you sabotage your opportunities for happiness and success? Any other patterns you notice in your own life in which you feel adoption might have played a role?

1 comment:

cheap writing said...

I always feel like adoption is one of those sensitive topics that you can’t talk about with people who are adopted. And I would advise you to visit your parents because you'll regret it later when they’re gone.